


The Stagesinger

by EbonyPhotographs



Series: The Stagesinger [1]
Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bisexual Ignis, Blood and Violence, Drinking, Dubious Consent, Jealousy, Loneliness, Love at First Sight, Lust, M/M, Masterbation, Non-Consensual Touching, Reincarnation AU, Romance, Self-Indulgent, Sexual Content, Singing, Song Reference, Soulmates, Swearing, Underground Bars, assault mention, blind dating, implied alcohol abuse, lyrics, they do the thing and I think it's kinda rough?, unprotected sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-03-29 18:14:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19025263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EbonyPhotographs/pseuds/EbonyPhotographs
Summary: This game Ignis is playing with loveless relationships has gotten old. One late night at the underground drinking club is about to change all that.





	1. Musician's Night

**Author's Note:**

> A piece put together based on some ideas and dreams. Structure for the concept of Noctis and Ignis being reborn in another life where one remembers their past while amnesia prevents the other from knowing anything. Not sure how long this one could get and it's already becoming likable to me. Entirely experimental.
> 
> The song that inspired the piece is "Love You" by Alex Clare from his album 'The Lateness of the Hour'. Good track shared with me by an important person. Probably worth listening to while reading the fic, if you'd like. Thank you again as always.

“One more drink if you don’t mind, please.”

Ignis reached across the counter for the third shot glass of the night and barely spared it a glance before swallowing. The drink was bitter in his mouth and burned when it went down. For some reason this one tasted worse than the last, but it was doing its job of numbing his body and making him warm, which was all he really needed.

Helplessly he watched the young lady as she passed the reception desk and walked out the front door. It stung that little bit more to see the way her hips swayed in that dress, hair twisting with the breeze from her pace of haste. Ignis lowered his eyes down and glared beneath the lenses on his nose at the empty seat across the table. He simply wished to fade from reality at that point. This date was not at all what he had planned. He couldn’t recall what he’d done wrong to drive her away in the first place… but then again, he wasn’t even sure if he’d gotten her name right. With a heavy breath, he laid the empty cup down at the edge of his reserved glossy wooden slab and sulked.

He knew this routine by now. It was as familiar as the other processes like basic human care. Waking, bathing, eating, then bringing himself back here to this same place. This same chair at the underground lounge, luring in stray singles to sit down and keep his company. An identical and mindless cycle. A continuous habit and not one he particularly preferred. The call to do so was irresistible. Was it in a thrilling or arousing way? Not at all. It was more of the addictive and unavoidable way. He hated it.

On a rainy day such as this one – like many of the others – Ignis saw his opportunity to steal another blind date with a stranger and took it on the spot. In vain, obviously, as the tender eyed lady couldn’t stand another second of him. Maybe he’d gotten bad at this. It was worse than he thought if he couldn’t work any charms to his advantage anymore. Ignis used to make the takers melt in their seats. When had the magic died down? What number of dates had he been through by now? The effort to make anyone stay was absent. Meaningless. There was no chemistry. No sense of bonding uninvolved with lies.

Ignis was a good judge of character. It wasn’t as if he couldn’t be an open gentleman. People simply didn’t fall in love at first sight. It just wasn’t true. With the all the time and money in the world to waste away, he returned to this lonely club looking to fill that emptiness. There was nothing better to do. No future worth chasing and no past to share. It was boring.

“That the last one of the night, Scientia?”

Ignis’ gaze moved leisurely towards a figure suddenly sitting down at the only empty seat of his stand. He grunted upon realizing who it was while rolling his eyes. “What do you want _now_? Can’t you be bothered to take up space at someone else’s table?”

A dirty blonde both small in stature and patience took up the empty shot glass into his hands and filled it with liquid from a bottle he had been carrying. “So rude,” he sassed. “And to think I pay for these…”

“There’s no reason you should. I did not ask you to. And you shouldn’t even be on the clock right now.”

The two peculiar eyes of his sent a dangerous gaze in Ignis’ direction. He parted his thin pink lips and began to emphasize his words very carefully. “That’s a quippy remark. Answers my guess as to why you’re never with the same person in here. For your information I’m _not_ on the clock and I _know_ you’ll have at least three more of these in your system by the time you leave so we might as well get you started.”  

“Please, for my sake Tummelt, just be on your way. I’m humiliated enough as it is.” Ignis leant his cheek into the curve of his sweating palm. If he were being honest to his body’s limits, he would have admitted that the drinks he already had were causing less of a pleasant buzz and more of a toxic effect.

“Maybe. Drown it out like you always do, right? You’ll be here till eleven and have six drinks. Nothing more, nothing less. It would surprise me to see that repetition change tonight.”

“…Have you been keeping count?” he asked in frustration. He did not enjoy being calculated that closely. On or off duty, this tiny irritation of a person should not be reminding him of his own methods.

“With all the alcohol I’ve shared with you over the last few months, we might as well consider me one of your ‘dates’. What would it matter? I’ll be here and gone in the same time as anyone else. You got about three minutes. Think it’ll last?”

Glancing back at the hazy image of the clock over the drinking bar, Ignis knew his regular quitting hour was closing in on him. He loathed to agree with Loqi’s statements and rubbed his fingers all over his face. He was too tired and tipsy to have any patience for this shit right now. Rage was making a home in him right quick. He could not lie about the truths that were spoken. But it struck up his memory and without much shame did he go the extra mile to ask Tummelt an important question.

“So… _is_ he here tonight, do you know?”

“And there it is.” The one named Loqi passed the glass on over to Ignis with a nasty laugh. “Your reputation proceeds you. Just another reason to chase all those affairs off no matter what you throw at them. What is gonna take for you to forget that guy?”

“That doesn’t-” Ignis huffed. “That’s not important. Have you seen him or not?”

“I don’t fucking know. I don’t keep track of the guy like you do but if you break that stupid orderly pattern of yours for a change you just might find out, now drink up. I’m headed home. I assume I’ll see you same time tomorrow.”

Not the most graceful way to part, but then again that was just Loqi’s nature. He had never treated him any differently from a customer or a stranger. It was a wonder the hot-headed brat still sat pretty with his job here especially considering how he loitered around acting like he owned the place. Anger could not sum the way Ignis felt as he puffed his cheeks while the off-duty waiter took his leave. The newly filled shot glass found its way into his palm where it next met his lips and tilted back. He took the drink without a hitch, tapping his fingers in a drumming rhythm against the flat wood surface of the table. It wasn’t good to be strained to this degree and yet here he was same as last time. The fact that someone pointed it out didn’t really matter afterall did it? He would return; of that he was sure. There didn’t seem to be a way to contradict it, so the story went on.

This is what his life had become. Blindly mingling with single people – sophisticated senior students from nearby high schools, businessmen working in upstate offices, girls made of gossip, and women with vast physical experiences – all for a moment to pretend he could be happy with them. Dreaming of relating to somebody …if only he could… while praying for the day his world would bloom into colour. He had seen countless faces, endlessly drank his money into a crippling hole in his wallet. Spent hours wondering who was worth kissing. Driving home more often than not to sleep alone. He must have been doing this for years. At least long enough for Tummelt to pick up on his habits some weeks after getting hired. Yet somehow his mind kept coming back to the same person.

The first time he saw him, Ignis hid behind his menu. He didn’t want to be caught staring at the captivating person who had abruptly inspired him despite that they never spoken a word before. He couldn’t stand the thought of being detected by those beautiful blue eyes so alive with glimmering shades of ocean waves. Storms decorated by black liner and thick feathery lashes. Ignis couldn’t fathom who he was nor what he was doing here. Any explanation was lost on him. He was probably the same as himself: a _customer_. Clearly the purpose of having an establishment open was to allow anyone entry to partake in the activities within. He felt like a fool for even questioning it.

But the desperate drinker feared what would happen if the stranger drifting in and out of the bar met his line of vision. Would he look through Ignis and scowl at him or even come to judge him for some unknown reason? He couldn’t stomach it. He had turned away from this boy ever since that first encounter. Covered his face or turned his back when he caught the character passing gracefully between tables repeating a feeble plea to himself that they not stop at his.

Ignis never asked any of the staff who he was or what his schedules were. Not even Loqi who would have constantly nagged on him for it. That would make perfect stalker material right there and that wasn’t something he needed to deal with. It wouldn’t take long for him to be thrown out forever for that. So they went on never speaking with one another. Never crossed paths. It was a mystery whether the dark-haired visitor had noticed Ignis in any way but the man begun obsessing over the need to know him and answer all his curiosities.

There was something special about him. Like a painting ripped and faded at the edges but a masterpiece all the same. The ethereal individual didn’t work at the club. He never stayed very long either, constantly checking on a nice watch laced on his pale left wrist. He was inexplicable. Coaxing hidden emotions from the depths of Ignis’ heart. Thoughts and feelings he believed to have buried long ago. How was this one person capable of doing such a thing? Reducing rational behaviors to absolutely nothing? He didn’t even know his name, how old he was, where he was from, or if they were already seeing someone. How did Ignis think a guy like himself (this pathetic, down-to-earth, boring kind of guy) could win someone like him over?

There was no way to put the sensation to words. He choked on them. Anxious when he found the boy and destroyed the moment he was gone and he didn’t know a thing about him. What the hell kind of feeling was that? Ignis had just about lost his mind over him. That had to be why he couldn’t keep a date longer than a few minutes anymore. Damn Loqi for hitting the nail on the head with that one. He had probably been letting rude gibberish come out of his mouth on these dates without realizing it. Basic understanding was reduced to a foreign concept before long.

He couldn’t forget the pattern: Wake. Eat. Work. Walk. Sit. Wait. He took the same roads, tread the same evening rains, picked the same table, drank the same number of shots and left by the exact same minute each time. The number of dates varied leaving very few coming back. One night stands. Brainless sex or heartless chatter. Why didn’t it change? Why did he never feel whole or the slightest bit happier?

Ignis knew people would keep coming unless he gave up this search for good. People might be clueless but they were just as desperate as he was. Everyone was searching for that invisible affection to chase the demons that burdened them and trade it out for pleasure. He should be used to rejection and grown desensitized by now. Maybe the anguish of all this was causing him to fantasize any random good-looking stranger as a possible candidate to temporarily cure that loneliness inside. Perhaps he was just going insane.

Ignis decided to wait past his usual quitting time and simply sat still today. Either he had reached a breaking point or some crazy part of him hoped doing so might bless him a sight of the young man he’d daydreamed. The one of a tight slender figure, curved spine and peach lips. The adorable mole adorning his cheek and that tasteful fashion which served him up as the most attractive dish to hit this building. Nothing could compare. This type of vex had to come close to labeling Ignis as some kind of pervert and of course keeping his distance was vital to preventing anyone from thinking so but somehow he hardly cared.

Midnight struck. It was dragging as the sixth drink finally sank down his throat. For the first time since discovering this place, Ignis saw the far stage at the end of the club open. It was a side of the bar he’d never been too. Maybe he’d looked it over once or twice but it wasn’t that fascinating to him. Now, the heavy set of red curtains were rustling with sounds of footsteps assembling behind them. There was a show of sorts being prepared. He quirked his head to get a better view.

He observed a worker that moved towards the upward exit to the city sidewalk. The lady in the apron was exchanging their signs. Much to Ignis’ surprise, it wasn’t a “closed” marker they were posting, but a board reading “musician’s night” instead.

Ignis set himself on the rails to destruction when he ordered a seventh drink. He could hardly reach across the counter for it and he shook a drip over the edge when he finally managed to clasp his fingers into a proper grip. He was having some obscured argument with the bar tender on whether taking it was wise, to which he likely went on a rant while shaking a wad of dollars about the reasons he was allowed whatever he liked even if it killed him. If he was breaking the outline tonight then he might as well regret it.

It was as he was holding his chest back to stop the throbbing that he heard soft claps all around him. Had he amused the people of this place with his idiocy? No… Ignis spun his dizzy self towards the stage again. He squinted to see better past his lenses.

There at the lower end of the bar where the floorboards inclined downward, a simple platform welcomed to appeal the small audience waiting in the dark. A loud flick of a switch triggered one round golden spotlight to target the center of those velvet crimson curtains. After some while and through the dulling of applause, a figure finally part through them. A boy came into sight, elegantly slipping between the seams and taking soft steps into full view. He was so silent; he might have been a dream. It was possible he was given that Ignis was drunk enough to crave death. He knew who it was taking the stage. No amount of influence had the power to let him mistake it.

The stunning boy took one clearing of the throat before reaching the edge of the stage. Slowly he cupped both hands around an adjusted microphone. Ignis’ gaze froze at how he appeared to take the mic lovingly between those long, gorgeous fingers and entered into a mental zone of sorts that was too whimsical to fathom.

Ignis knew he was on the verge of being sick but his heart had suddenly stopped and it wasn’t because of what he had done to himself. This was the closest he had ever seen him before.

Something was happening. Not an unpleasant sensation but definitely a strange one. That pang of allurement so familiar yet alien – striking something new inside. What the hell was it that was overtaking him? Who _was_ this man? Ignis did his best to still the cup in his fingers and stared that way from where he hardly stood (more like rocked) from the drink counter.

Then the boy parted his lips… and began to sing.

The rhythm of a drop beat started to play, lowly, leading the singer on his way with vocals so tender and sensually pitched. The very instant his voice rang through in perfect tune with the music, Ignis felt a surge burst into life ten deep within him times stronger than the sheer sight of him alone. His eyes shot wide. It took serious strength to keep himself from gasping. There had been something undeniably unique about that boy, yes, but that voice…

His expression spoke a language all its own. Rosy cheeks and skin sparkling as it blazed by the light drenching his body. The compliments of a tight turtleneck clinging on his torso, straight jeans in navy blue. Disturbingly beautiful. Sacred. Almost as if it were wrong that anyone else should see him that way other than Ignis. He was radiant. Ceaselessly enchanting without reason. He simply was. And the way he breathed stimulated a very immoral excitement where extended absence of getting up had left Ignis hopeless of ever feeling hard again. It was filthy. Shameful. But again, he didn’t care. Less now knowing he was here. Tonight of all nights when he had decided to stay. And he was singing in harmony to his lyrics. Oh, such sweet words that touched his soul.

_“What can I say?”_   
_“I was never good with words.”_   
_“My tongue always got it wrong.”_   
_“Hoping that you knew all along…”_

Such precious sounds fleeing the raspy throat of this heavenly entity before him. The rest of the world was just… gone. All that existed now was this moment. Nothing could have prepared him. Taken over, mind and body. Ignis couldn’t move. Couldn’t turn away or hide behind a menu. The aching in his chest became stronger.

Two extra spotlights gradually lit on either end of the stage to show a set of instrument players. Suddenly there were new sounds being introduced to the rhythm, creating melancholic emotion. At the center of it all was _him_. Modest drums played to praise the highlight of their vocalist. The keyboard’s melody glorifying the song itself. It all came together. Union so splendid it threatened to swipe Ignis off his feet. The tune told a story.

The boy swayed as he pulled the mic from the stand and carried it with him. Opening his mouth – a delicious portal – with a long draw of air and sang over and over lavishly.

_“I love you.”_

Sparks flared. Supernatural. Passion came through in the message of the song, obliterating every trace of what Ignis thought he knew. Replaced it. He couldn’t comprehend what was going on. Somehow… in some ludicrous way, he knew he recognized that boy. He knew those words as though they had been spoken to him before. Millions of indiscernible memories blurred in his mind. Wait… memories? Surely that was just the alcohol in his system. By the stars above it had to be.

Ignis tried to turn back to the bar to ask for another drink. He started to panic because of this unknown bubbling feeling. Could focus on something else?  

The stagesinger took the speaker closer to his lips like cradling the dear face of someone he loved. He crawled down to sit at the edge of the stage and steal the focus of his little crowd. Gods, what could Ignis distract himself with? There had to be something to expose himself to. What would keep him pretending this moment wasn’t strangling him like the fine chords coiling through the fingers of the musician’s hands?

He sang it again.

_“I love you.”_

The stagesinger had a presence that nearly poisoned Ignis in a way he rather fancied. Very much, compared to the booze. He choked until he was breathless. No longer fighting the will of his eyes that wished to gawk. He thought he found something he didn’t know he was looking for. Had he heard this song somewhere before? That couldn’t be possible. Ignis failed an attempt to gulp the remains of liquor from his tongue. The singer moaned his tale, howling and crying a wonderful series of hums. There was magic burning in the air. He knew he felt it. Though absurd it was there was no way it wasn’t.

An impractical idea passed his mind. Keeping it back was futile as butterflies fluttered. Arousal blooming down below and joy sprouting through the blood in his veins. ‘What if this song is meant for me?’ He felt ridiculous considering such a thing. For one glittering moment, he held the fantasy close. Coincidence brought him to hear those sounds anyway. Plain as that. _Maybe_.

_“I love you.”_

_…A_ gainst all sensible odds, could the young man who stole his heart have come to sing for him tonight by an incredible force like fate? Was it meant to be…? They hadn’t even generally looked his way. How would a cheap desire like possess a chance to be real? Mere happenstance probably allowed them seeing each other like this. Yes… Ignis had no other resolution to confide. Not when his organs were shutting down one by one at a nauseating rate on account of the intoxication kicking into overdrive. The drunken man wasn’t sure it was plausible. Practicalities seemed more like scribbles of fiction. He seized up so uncontrollably in the shadows of the bar, another face in the crowd, hypnotized by the show. Nobody important. That haunted him. He wanted his being there to mean something.

Finally, after what felt like years of catching up after a sorrowed separation, the song began to end. Vanishing. Before he knew it, the lyrics were over, echoing, a kiss from the stagesinger’s lips. The ashen strands of their hair bounced as they parted on final words. He leant his head back up high towards the ceiling and the lights faded to black over him. What a trancing performance. Too suddenly did his voice turn into reminiscence on the floorboards of that stage… and Ignis had not yet made his peace.

“No-” he whispered. “It’s already over?”

The curtains swiftly drew back together after letting the singer out of sight, abducted back in the arms of midnight realms. Ignis shook his head bewildered and waited for more. What returned was the faint applause permanently dismissing the song to its conclusion. The musicians may have finished taking their instruments beyond this place, but the rising need to find that person that brought an incredible thirst to the surface. Engraved desire into the vessel of his flesh. It dominated his senses. Intense and overwhelming. He had to know.

“…I have to know who you are...”


	2. The Backroom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ignis seeks a breaking to the cycle and meets the stagesinger but perhaps it will break them both in the end instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for potentially sad/sexual content?? Adding new tags for it. A little longer than the last chapter. A bit more risky compared to some of my other stuff as well. Still purely my imagination at work here. They guide me in surprising directions, these boys, I tell ya. I hadn't expected a few of these details. I'm not sure where things will wind up but below is the next step in their journey.

It wasn’t fair. Much less right.

As if he had a choice, Ignis came back. Wasting space at the same apartment complex. Here upon this couch where he had dreamed the world a better place than what lay on the other side of the front door. He wished he was anything but sober, taking a lazy rest upon the cushion of his coffee stained couch. He used to be so clean. Ignis used to care about those things. Somewhere along the way that changed. Was it that no one came over to see the messy state of things… or could it be he felt less alone with more clutter? It could be there was more to see that way. He wasn’t sure if it hurt him to live that way. Sometimes he thought he could barely call it living.

Ignis sat still for a long while that night in uncomfortable silence listening to the differences of ticking clocks in his home. The ceiling fan was turning slow, casting humid breeze over his skin. He left his coat lying on the floor. He hadn’t even bothered to pick it up when it fell off the back of the dining chair. The shoes were still snug on his feet. All it took was two fingers to loosen his tie then slip down to unbuckle his belt. The distortion of his zipper coming down sounded too much like his own doing. It had the same appeal as going to the bathroom which was a repetitive everyday occurrence. There was nothing riveting about it at all. He trailed a flattened palm to find the inside elastic of his boxers. Uninterested in going any further, he eventually regressed from it.

It seemed his fixes had finally run out. The warmth of cold bottled drinks and late nights of fun and arousal were gone. Just like a lover walking angrily through a door never to look back or stray his way again. Like a rain drenched jacket abandoned. Not to be helped off the ground. The world had successfully drained his passions away like a nasty undertow pulling and sucking him in. Swirling downward in a spiral. A vortex growing narrow at the center until all there was only a thin ray of light hanging cruelly above. Temptation to believe he might survive before the waters would fill his lungs and kill him from the inside out.

Ignis slid his hand back down to squeeze beneath his undergarment anyway. The touch of his flesh along tender privates was similar to that of warm rubber. It was dry and boring. Maybe this was his last effort to make that terrible ticking less obnoxious. He held his breath, parting his knees a little wider and buried himself up to his wrist in his trousers. The only thing hard about touching himself here was the angle which to move back and forth for imitating a stimulating motion. It was pretend to think he could simulate a mockery of lost loves. There were worse things to turn to… but this brought him little ease of mind.

Ignis closed his eyes and craned his neck back to lay into the cushions. He picked up his pace just trying to clear his thoughts so there were no thoughts at all. It was almost sad how he craved to be empty. To be exhausted so that he may force some sleep over himself. Yet… somehow… near the end of his struggle as he pushed to find that sense of relief, something happened. The boy from the stage crossed his mind. In a flash, it was as if everything suddenly changed. His pattern shifted. It hurt to think of a stranger that way yet he liked the way it stung between his legs. Ignis bit down hard on his lip and began moving with careful gestures.

It wasn’t enough to skyrocket the experience though – in some nasty way – he might have enjoyed it too much. _That boy…_ Whoever he was, he helped Ignis in that moment. It was overwhelming how fast he could imagine his scenario twisting around to picture that gorgeous figure spreading over his lap. Bouncing against his thighs. Smiling in his direction. Adorable as he adored him. Calling- no, singing his name. A caring character unlike any other in the whole wide world with fingers smooth enough to make his chest cave in if he touched him… and held his throbbing heartbeat in his hands.

Before he knew it was coming up on him, Ignis was crying outloud. He surprised himself by the way he shook, curving inward while gritting his teeth and grasping at stickiness that webbed between his knuckles. In the aftermath of something so surreal, he might actually manage to get some decent sleep in a bed that still longed the company of someone to fill the other side.

~

Upon the arrival of a new evening, rain pouring over everything as though the same day was passing by, Ignis came back. Sitting anxiously at his regular club table under dim lights. Tonight was different from the others. Not because of some big score awaiting the opportunity to be taken. No dressed up, perfume doused partner ready to take up the passenger seat of his car on a ride downtown to crash at his place. Ignis returned to the same set of chiseled steps and scratched rails to the underground lounge doorway. Here he sought solitude which transformed into the lust for affection. Any attention he could find. Tonight, he sat alone on purpose. He called no one over. Didn’t order any drinks. He sat still, only glancing to the clock overhanging the bar when he sensed the impending hour of eleven. He would pass it again. With hope, the stagesinger would return.

Dozens came through and ordered small snacks at the counter between the early and later hours. Speaking with their friends and relatives, lovers and businessmen alike. Making deals. Celebrating victories. Remembering the good times and planning new ones. Ignis listened lightly to them as they vocalized their lives. He had already overheard thousands of stories here in this strange little place. All the while he refused a few offers to quench his thirst from tray carriers who occasionally drifted by his table. The suggestions were no doubt enticing but Ignis wanted to stay as sober as possible. He would only allow the fumes to reach him while awaiting the approach of midnight.

Some asked to take a seat with him – likely in all knowing of his reputation to be friendly, if not the persuadable (and less than pleasant) one-night-stand sort of man. He kindly declined each one like the drinks all in defense to keep his second seat open. Just in case. He wondered what the odds were to see that boy step away from kissing the microphone for a while to accompany him instead. If he had the chance and took it, the two could talk and share their night together. Surely it couldn’t be impossible to get his attention. It hadn’t been much of a challenge for Ignis to get his way or be alone with anyone else. Denying up to a dozen girls in a row reassured his confidence to make it happen. He couldn’t be sure whether it would take an insane amount of exertion to convince him for just a little while. Only a little while... A moment was all he needed. The stagesinger wasn’t like “anyone else” but there had to be _some_ way to reach him.

Ignis retraced the steps of the night he first witnessed him. If he waited past eleven – no drinks, no dates – he would see those curtains part wide and send out the incredible vocalist who had won his heart without anything more than his face, a few lyrics, and an invisible string tightening on Ignis without mercy. Like a tremendous force drawing magnets together by the pull of the universe. It was almost dreamy enough to seem like a fairytale. Days had gone by like this. The boy would arrive to visit the club at an approximate time as though floating down from some high cloud in heaven. His presence was so captivating that Ignis’ brain couldn’t focus on anything else no matter how hard he tried. Not the chatter of the drinkers nor the distant thrashing of thunderstorms prevented him from staring that person down. Getting comfortable in the booths talking among others guests. Ignis couldn’t even think of how to breathe. He kept a menu close to be ready for covering his face at any given moment. But he was gawking, and hard, ignorant to those who might have noticed.

Who the hell was this boy? They could have been interacting with each other a long time ago. He didn’t need to be nervous. Why did it feel as if they had already spoken? Ignis had never said a word to him. He would have remembered an encounter with someone who emitted an aura worthy to shred his mentality in two. Those dark ashen strands of hair. Silky bangs shading his brow while reflecting the different colours of the bar. Delicate sapphire eyes that shimmered under every wave of his lashes. A tight frame, stunning and seductive by eyesight alone. He couldn’t imagine what it would feel like to touch him. It must be glorious. The idea, however, was nothing short of disturbing in Ignis’ mind. He thought himself filthy. The vocalist might never want to be around him if he knew the obscenity of his imagination. He hadn’t been this attracted to the people he _wanted_ to flirt with. Something about him was different. More than different.

Ignis almost felt sick from the curiosity to understand this being. It was killing him. Half pleasantry, half torment. He couldn’t identify it. Compelling him to choke, cease function, and practically cave into waves of emotions. It was as if a drug had been slipped into his system without him knowing it and the only triggering symptom was exposure to that young man. He wanted to follow the trail of air he breathed and worship the ground he walked on. But also to protect him from anyone and anything no matter what. It didn’t make any sense. The feeling never went away and with no booze in his body either? Day after day. He stopped counting the hours sat there in that chair with a growling stomach and stiffness in his pants, head in fumes and heart aching as though he might cry at any instant.

Ontop of everything, Ignis found himself happy to see him. The boy brought a magical smile onto his lips. Fascination bloomed where before there had been nothing but a grey void. A thought spelling “I’ve found you” in his soul that made Ignis want to see where he would go next. Who he would talk to and what he would do. Ignis found himself equally jealous of everyone lucky enough to hear his voice on a personal level. But Ignis would have his chance. Soon, the boy would sing for him again. Ignis would fight for that chance to be near. Tonight.

By now he had grown to know the time window they would arrive, who they would see before taking to the backrooms without so much as a whisper in Ignis’ direction. He hadn’t decided when he might be brave enough to talk to him. Maybe ask if the boy was lonely or just wanted to get away. Ignis made a plan of sorts. If a person ever craved the time or money a man could give to them, he had it to give away. Once he could ask his name, nothing would stop him from sweeping the stagesinger of his feet. Any reason was good enough to be a part of his life. It didn’t matter how. He could, so he would.

Wonderfully, the same night he was plotting to spring into action was the one Loqi Tummelt helped himself to the empty seat looking all too eager to make himself a nuisance. Ignis would have groaned at the sight of him but he had been swallowed by sentences scribbling in his mental notepad for the moment he could take that boy by the arm, stare deep into his eyes and pour his thoughts out.

“Did my research,” Loqi spoke confidently, sighing out as he kicked a foot up onto the underneath of the table. “All for you. I believe it’s fair to say you owe _me_ one now. One of those expensive dinners from the menu would be nice.” The dusty blonde was carrying a vicious smirk on his mouth before he snapped into a serious tone noticing how distracted the man in glasses appeared to be. “Hey. Are you up there today or are you thinking with something other than what you should be? Can you hear me? I like to be listened to.”

Ignis hummed without tearing his gaze away from the direction of the stage. The singer had left some time ago which meant he would either move towards his microphone or wait around a rough hour before leaving the club again. He hadn’t seen him take to the stage since the first time. When would the cycle be broken?

Loqi groaned loud with irritation. Just then, he asked Ignis a more exciting question. “Would it interest you if I said I knew what his name was?”

“You _what_?!” Ignis jerked his head at the bloke so fast he almost missed a glimpse of an employee placing the “musician’s night” sign over the glass club door. His eyes went round under his lenses and followed the worker until they vanished. Was tonight really the night…? His furious line of vision shot arrows back into Tummelt. “What did you do? You didn’t speak to him, did you?”

“Calm down. You get so snippy. Sheesh... Gotta give a guy more credit than that.”

Ignis thinned his deadly scowl inspecting Loqi as he made himself comfortable. The younger one extended a hand to take a free drink from a tray carrier passing by all too assuredly. It must have been a convenient circumstance for him. Ignis wasn’t happy about it. Loqi was always there to pry into his personal business when it was suitable. Given their short past together, it couldn’t have been too serious. But mentioning “him” had him uneasy.

“They call him ‘ _Noctis_.’ Think it’s Latin or something. A well known name up in northern parts I hear. People around the city say he drifts place to place singing tunes for night bars. A few rumors also say he’s been doing it for years now hoping some lost love from the past will hear his voice.”

An unusual ringing stung against the inside of Ignis’ ears. Was Loqi serious? “He’s… from the northern continent?” His voice went thin as he dragged his vision back to the stage again. If it was musician’s night and Loqi’s investigation proved to be true afterall, then it just might make sense. He would be coming out soon. “That’s quite a tale you’re spinning.”

“You think I’m lying?”

Ignis’ lip twitched. This argument couldn’t be won by ordering him back to his shift. Ignis didn’t even know if Loqi was on the clock or not this time. He was growing impatient. “He came all the way down here looking then?”

“…Have you been imagining yourself hitting it off with this guy? You must be out of your mind to think so.”

“I can _have_ anything I want. Don’t test me.”

“Of course,” Loqi sneered flattening his palms in defense. “I should have guessed you were a wacko.”  

Just then, the lights dimmed low and faint clapping filled the area around the raised platform. The hour hand of the overhanging clock pointed at midnight. Ignis fixed his eyes and waited for when those glorious thick curtains would part the way for that familiar body like the arms of knights making way for their prince. Again his heart leapt up into his throat. Again he clenched the collar of his shirt, slightly lifted in his seat with enthusiasm. The trembling returned. The rest of the world was blurring at the edges, closing in on the stage, his eyes spotlights of their own.

“There’s nothing of greater interest I have than being wherever he is. I may not be as brave as I’d like when it comes to him, but his presence feels more real than anything I’ve ever known until now. I’ll go where he goes. Seeing him… is real happiness.”

“That kind of speech sounds more like an oath. Finally crossed onto the stalker side, eh? You may need more help than I thought.”

“I just want him to be safe. For some reason, nothing is going to be the same unless we are together. I can feel it.”

The face Loqi must have made – eyebrows all drawn up and mouth agape in a look of bewilderment – probably spoke of concern. He didn’t bother trying to talk Ignis out of whatever the hell he was scheming or even throw another uncouth offence at him. He wouldn’t have heard him anyway. The show was starting. It only took seconds for Noctis to appear again.

“Noctis…” the name felt sacred in Ignis’ mouth. It fit him.

And just like that, here he was again. This otherworldly life gleaming under the dazzling atmosphere as the people all around the incline of the lounge warmly welcomed him. Ignis didn’t clap as that unstoppable sensation seized everything (arguably worse than ever before) but he was clearly overjoyed to bear witness. Loqi glanced back and forth between the two as a different nature came to the surface, unfolding from beneath the mask Ignis wore. The same man who sat in this chair dating and ordering drinks didn’t seem to be the same man now.

Ignis observed Noctis in every step towards that microphone. A creative spirit at his favourite gallery. A model on his runway. Eyes lit with dozens of bright reflections. Noctis smiled and waved at the small audience but his eyes never met with the one most desperately looking his way. It didn’t matter when he opened his mouth and took the air to sing. His lungs created words of a new language. Songs he only ever heard in the back of his mind – in places where he had buried himself in earthly things. By material, where reality and social processes completely ruled him. But Noctis wiped them all away as he sucked air inward and drug out his notes.

“It looks to me like you’re finding him a little better at playing other things,” Loqi muttered while leaning in and crossing his arms. “Like your heartstrings for example.”

The nasal voice of the small man hadn’t reached him over the enchantment of the music and its centerpiece. Ignis gawked, growing sensual in expression, barely blinking. A scoff came from beside him but Ignis was just as def to it as the rest of the bar. Nothing could exist besides that spotlight and the boy.

Noctis sang brilliantly as if no failure could ever befall his tongue. He was an amplifier of some sort of ethereal energy. _Magnificent_. Synchronized harmoniously with the chimes, gentle strings and piano keys. Together they created a remarkable story. One that bore intensity. The stage band tied together with the midnight singer. As dark as his hair and as incredible as a lifetime held in a single moment, Noctis injected himself whole-heartedly into the rhythm of his song. Flawlessly swaying as his fingers curled around the edge of the mic. His body made up for all that could not be heard in lyrics. Did Noctis see the real world at all? Who was he singing for? Could it ever be possible that the two of them felt the same?

His volume rose when he took the devise from the stand with him to the edge of the stage where he took a theatrical seat and rocked light to the rhythm. If only he sat near the front. Noctis could be face to face with him this very second. Now it felt as if they were miles apart. It made the corners of Ignis’ lips rise without explanation. From his motions to his voice, he was a true jewel. Stroking the back of his wrist over his cheek, down his neck, crawling, then stretching his arm open wide. He was playing into the sentiment of the melody. Even as the finale crept up chord by chord Ignis still felt himself soaring. He completely surrendered to it. He’d never heard music like this. He hadn’t been sure whether the genre was his cup of tea but he couldn’t comprehend a way to get conflicted. Only eaten alive.

“I have to meet him,” Ignis murmured. “I can’t live with myself if I don’t say something…”

The metal legs of Loqi’s chair scraped the flooring as he stood. “Turns out the boss knows the kid. I asked him about lineup on musician’s night and got your scoop there, lover boy. Simple as that. Noctis is single, by the way. Apparently hasn’t found this mythical ‘love’ he’s looking for. He’s gonna travel until he does though. Thought you should know that.”

Ignis and Loqi shared a long eye contact.

“Told you I’d pay you back someday.”

Ignis’ head lowered. He couldn’t stop time as the stage gradually emptied of its players and Loqi was walking away from the table. Ignis felt for a long while that he couldn’t do anything at all. He focused past the rims of his glasses through the fringe of his hair and beyond the heads of the slowly scrambling audience. The man may have been more powerless than influential afterall. The brilliance of persuasion could not merely be summarized, nor could it be assumed. _Noctis_ … Hadn’t he heard that name somewhere? He wanted to be close to him with nothing in the way. Air clogged in his throat. Chest tense. Every bone was aching him to rise from his seat but only after some tears had been shed could Ignis work up the nerve to go after him.

~

Ignis passed the back entrance into the inner workings of the club with fast steps. He wasn’t sure if he was allowed in the restricted areas of the establishment. He could get himself into trouble for this. Perhaps, Ignis thought, that boss of Loqi’s really knew of Noctis and his plans to travel. There was no telling when their last chance to meet could be if it were true. If that didn’t work out, he would find another way. He felt possessed to do so. It couldn’t be stopped.

Going up a rusted spiral staircase past the noisy lights – much different from the lively ones in the drinking area – Ignis found himself approaching a single open hall guarded by railing. There were many doors lining the wall on his right, exposed mechanisms making up the bar’s function along his left. Each door looked the same. Splinters of wood matched by colour and shape. It would have been impossible to know who or what lay behind which one. Luckily for this determined individual, a helpful plaque spelled out an arrow pointing in the direction to go. A card labeled “reserved” was inserted into place at the last door. It was the only one. That was his indicator.

Ignis leant in and listened close to discern the difference between his thrashing heart and any noises beyond the wood. A moment passed and he detected light laughter. A hum and a sigh. Ignis bit his lip. He thought he might have a heart attack. Ignis held strong to his purposes. He only wanted to see him at least once. Tell him how good a singer he was, if nothing else. He wouldn’t give up until he had at least stood close without the stage to severe them.

Ignis forced himself back and firmly knocked. After counting half a minute and with no voice to ask who had been standing there, Ignis began to grow terrified of the silence. He was building a sweat when at last the doorknob turned from the other side. The door came open and, standing in person with no distances, seamlessly within reach was _Noctis_. A warm glow rayed out into the dark hall through the crack of his door then his two eyes lifted to him. His face… the inviting aura of his room… All Ignis needed were the right words to speak. How could he portray the things he’d been going through all this while? He parted his lips as ready as ever for anything that might come out. Anything at all. But there was nothing. He froze. He probably looked like an idiot the longer he stood there gaping.

However, unexpectedly, the anguish in his body fell to numbness in an instant. Noctis opened his own mouth and a single word dripped out in a display of what could only be explained as realization. He spoke clearly as though remembering a fatal fact.

“Ignis?”

Ignis couldn’t believe his ears. Noctis called _his name_. He sounded doubtful and yet so precise as if he had known Ignis all his life. Held him dear even. But that was preposterous. Ignis had only learned his name today. He was fairly certain that he would remember someone like the stagesinger. There was no possible way they could have known one another before now. He wanted to know him, yes, but this didn’t make any sense.

Ignis felt an urge compelling him to step into the room. Invade the space and invite himself inside. Maybe he could pretend against all odds that they did know each other and that there were no reasons to be shy of their encounter. Noctis’ voice echoed inside his mind, compelling him, calling his name again and again. It almost shut down all common sense. How had he done this to him so effortlessly? What had trapped Noctis in this longing gaze with him?

Neither glanced away. Not once.

Ignis was too simple a man to comprehend this. He couldn’t even try. Instead, he reached both hands out to cup the boy’s face. The instant he touched the warm texture of his skin Ignis turned feeble. There was makeup powder on his round cheeks and a smooth layer of shimmering perfume that lingered along his jawline. Ignis searched his eyes… then dove down at a crooked angle to kiss him. It was raw and spontaneous without a filter to restrain it. Somehow, Noctis let him. His voice muffled beneath the pressure of Ignis’ mouth in surprise and he pulled backwards a bit. This should have been a hint to stop but he didn’t. He pushed forward to chase an unspoken desire searching for tongue.

It couldn’t be second guessed that Noctis began pulling him in. His cool fingers latched around Ignis’ neck, sliding along his hairline. Was this encouragement? Heavens, what was happening? Their fronts brushed together, one kiss turning rough as it bloomed into another. Ignis felt the buckle of his belt grinded along the bottom of Noctis’ shirt until it raised the fabric from its tuck. Ignis couldn’t grasp how fast things were happening let alone at all. The two stumbled backwards into the heart of the room attached by their mouths moving in fevered motion. Noctis’ foot was the culprit for slamming the door shut behind them. They twisted together locked by kisses too intimate to be allowed with a stranger. Something unnatural dominated Ignis’ brain. The singer traced him with his arms from his torso down to his hips. In the heat of the moment, Noctis lifted one of his legs up onto him. Linking into the dip of his back. Ignis mirrored every touch of affection he gave. They clung to each other as if they were the only two in the world. Like reuniting with their other halves.

Suddenly, Noctis’ shirt was coming off. His hair fluffed out from the tight space of his turtle neck while his two gorgeous, white arms gracefully shed the top moving in style. A stunning marble sculpture came to life revealed before him. Glowing starlight against the brick and poster covered walls. Ignis held onto his hips to keep him upright and memorized the unbelievable image of him stripping.

Ignis yanked the glasses off his nose and tossed them carelessly to the nearest dresser. This wasn’t like him to be so reckless. He’d brought himself to trembling. This was ridiculous. He should be ashamed. Why wasn’t Noctis stopping him? He was doing the opposite it appeared as he busied himself with plucking the buttons of Ignis’ blouse apart to reveal the privacy of his chest. He took his own time to step back and gawk at him. Surely this wasn’t real. An erotic melody cascaded his precious vocal cords as the singer’s hands spread to paint fingertips over his breasts. Oh no. It couldn’t possibly be real. Ignis had to be back at the apartment fantasizing impossible things. Dreaming Noctis was touching him. Licking his lips, looking at him with a thirst in his eyes. Ignis felt dizzy. He paused for a second to gasp but then their lips came back together and his temperament rapidly liquefied.

Noctis tasted of chocolate. So sugary and sweet. The coat of chapstick and remnants of glitter stuck to the edge of his mouth where their tongues slid over each other, gliding and smearing saliva. This was developing too fast wasn’t it? Or did it matter? Ignis thread his fingers through the strands of Noctis’ hair. He felt the shape of the bump on his nape, the muscles of his naked shoulders, and the curl of his spine. The tension rose quickly. Even faster than they tumbled onto the worn cushions of a loveseat at the corner of the room… with Ignis landing ontop.

He wanted to try communicating. Ask if they were taking things a tad far. He didn’t know if it was really right to be doing this and yet he felt so obliged to continue. Ignis produced his wallet in a desperate attempt to find a condom wrapper. Maybe showing such a thing would prove how serious this was looking. But Noctis shocked him when he slapped the leather pouch away with the back of his wrist. As abruptly as adrenaline could drive a man, Ignis felt he couldn’t care less about protection. The spontaneity turned him on. He liked fearing it. _Why,_ he kept asking himself? _Why me? Why now?_

He refused to hold back any longer despite the absolute lack of logic. Ignis pecked over Noctis’ throat, hands in a constant search to discover him, and lathered his tongue across his collar like he might never kiss another human being again. As if this was the only person he ever wanted to feel for the rest of his life. He tasted vocal vibrations humming new songs of pleasure out of Noctis’ body and into the suction of his mouth. There was distress hiding in those cries. Ignis didn’t want to be the low kind of person to scare the one he felt was so special. Regardless of his fear, Noctis kept holding onto him. They had to have wound up here for a reason.

The quivering of his torso when he wrapped his thighs around him was something Ignis never wanted to forget. He was afraid at first that it wouldn’t last long enough for him to remember but then Noctis clasped his delicate wrists behind his neck and thrusted upward to meet his pelvis. The tremors worsened and Ignis worried for him despite the thrill it sent shivering up his lap. Goosebumps blossomed on his arms. It set his soul on fire watching Noctis come undone beneath him all provocative moaning out with lashes rapidly fluttering. Ignis’ eyes rolled beneath his lids as he gripped the shirt hardly clinging to him and rid himself of it. Noctis’ knees flinched from the pressure of him leaning down between his thighs to close the gap. Then, digging his fingers into the singer’s jeans, he began to shed them. The boy was ever more beautiful with his pants layered around his ankles leaving the colour of his blue underwear to be visually feasted upon. With legs pastel and exquisite in his control like this, Ignis felt like he owned him.

“W-Wait, stop, I-Ignis please, I…”

Before Noctis’ panicked hands could resist him, the man slammed his arms into submission down on the cushions more forcefully than intended. Pinning him took them both by surprise. Harming Noctis was not his goal. What was he doing?

“Noct…” Ignis whimpered. He’d been overwhelmed. _Defend your actions you moron._ “I-I’m not trying to hurt you- Forgive me... I just- want to be with you. I don’t… understand what’s going on but, I want to be… closer, tha-than anyone. You’re…” he began to pant. The stress was getting to him. Maybe he was scaring _himself_. “You’re mine right now. You must be mine. Just for this moment.”

His lack of confidence made him believe this performance was going downhill. Using a short nick-name like that… Wouldn’t anyone else have hit him and run shouting for help by now?

Ignis witnessed the stagesinger slowly change his attitude. He ceased his fidgeting and became limp below him. It made his bare upper half much more vulnerable in image. Ignis would have liked the way he submitted if only he hadn’t saw tears budding in the corners of his eyes. Noctis bowed his head and bit down on his lip hard enough to swell it. Those wonderful spheres should never have to fill with water made by pain. What had he done?

“No- please, Noct… don’t cry-”

“Just don’t go. It’s… okay, I can take it. You can … h-have what you want of me.” He hesitated at first before slipping his hands away to remove his boxers. “Will you… call me… Noct again? Please?”

Ignis would be some kind of imbecile to refuse an offer like that. He craved nothing more than to honor the request. He got to be the one Noctis – “Noct” – chose… over everyone else. Was that it? Was it wrong… if he were pretending to be some lost lover of his? Did Noct really think that?

Tonight, Ignis could make his dream come true. No questions should be asked about it. Red blush dusted his face and his pulse raced. He positioned himself and discarded his belt. Next went the zipper. His unclear eyesight made it worse on him, but the encouragement of Noct’s lips finding him again made it easier to pull free from the restraint of his clothing. The erection in his palm actually felt nice for a change. It really did. Ignis took his time aiming for that place to enter inside. He knew how this worked and yet he was terrified for the first time in years to make love to someone. Still he was curious to take this boy. Perhaps he could play the role…

He heard Noct make an erotic sound while trying to catch his breath when a point of pressure crowned him. He craned his head to see what was being done. Ignis wondered if he regret looking by the time his head snapped back and flattened against the crooked edge of one tiny pillow. His eyes narrowed with a gasp and grabbed Ignis’ forearms. “Keep talking to me- please?” he begged. “I don’t… w-wanna be scared… I, wanna hear your voice.”

Noct wanted to hear him? Not for getting off but… for comfort? It had been a remarkably long time since he had been asked to deliberately raise his voice. There may have been an unforeseen part to this equation; that the stagesinger was expecting a one night stand tonight anyway. That may be why the boy was using this spare room in the first place. Ignis didn’t know. How could he really be sure? It wasn’t as if he had that intel before going right for the gold. The thought alone of Noctis between someone else’s legs made him fucking furious. He hated the idea of any hands handling him besides his own. Envious to whoever may have done so without his knowing. Dammit, _why_? Noct wasn’t his.

Subconscious obsession to claim his heart, body and soul drove Ignis to drill in and out of that sensitive place before giving it the proper time to adjust. He pushed hard through the tightness. Motivated by Noct’s kindness and single-minded to share that bridge of ecstasy with him. He felt his arms wrap around him and nails began to dig in, carving wing scratches into his shoulderblades.

In any case, a speedy affair didn’t explain the way Noct called his name at the door. Ignis could render himself insane the way he latched onto his body now unwilling to let him go. Not driven by a filthy pursuit of sexual opportunity for the sake of such. No. Noct was writhing… kissing wherever he could reach in an incredibly romantic way. “Iggy,” stuttered from his mouth a couple of times with the rhythm of penetration harshly rocking his body. The couch could only stand to squeak from it. The coil of the springs lightly packed in the cotton cushions was uncomfortable on this narrow sofa. Ignis caught his knee skidding off the edge at times. It didn’t stop him from angling his crotch to synchronize with thrusts helping him to discover all the elating areas Noct was hiding deep inside.

Their eyelids squeezed shut the longer it lasted. Legs grinding along each push and shove. Ignis did his best to soak in the sight of them both turning wet in trails of drool, sweat, and sticky white fluid. This was the most exhilarated he’d been since times he didn’t want to think about. The noises, oh delicious noises. They were wonderful in his ears. He called that name outloud to him again. To give him courage. To show his trust.

“ _Noct_.”

Teases followed. Scattered words otherwise vulgar hailed nevertheless. Every utterance was sinful. Swearing. Asking Noct what he liked. Telling him what to do, how to arch his back and where to stretch his legs. Higher and lower. It became less of a concern and more of a quiz unfit for proper answers. He noticed how Noct’s fingers were clenching. Fretting for where to grip and put all his willpower to elevating everything. All his choked screams and joyful laughs that gave him a disturbing amount of gratification. He squirmed and twisted. Euphoria devouring him. He grunted behind gritted teeth and bit his own knuckles to leave bruises and made the efforts for brushing Ignis’ dampened hair away from his face. Noct was careful with him where Ignis had been much less. He was starting to consider that he didn’t deserve this...  

It was something viciously good. Sensual delight marrying into one right in Ignis’ lap, slapping back and forth straight up to the boarders of their limits. Noct could feel it too as evidence led him to raspy chanting. Crying out senseless fragments of sentences neither of them could understand. Ignis began to bend down, slowing himself, rolling his hips to fill Noct perfectly at his deepest ever considerate of the effects it would leave behind. He didn’t want to injure him no matter how terrific the high bubbling at the threshold of climaxing was. And it was. If he could deliver him happiness… Ignis entrusted his support to his left arm as he tucked the right down to caress Noct’s member. His fingers swirled along his shaft and pink shaded tip. Up to the very end and partially past (as Ignis wished to drive him crazy) he would not stop pleasing that part of him.

The two drowned for a long while. Ignis was shaking when it was finally finished and released an exclamation of relief. He crushed both hands into the couch and regained his balance. He realized he was as far as he could go. It could be hours before he came to terms with it and even longer before he could excuse whatever bullshit possessed him to dominate Noct after just meeting him. Would Noct forgive him? What was even supposed to come next after something like this?

“Ig-nis—”

The faintness rendering him a wreck lessened only enough to make a window for allowing his words in. Noct was calling him. His tone sounded of needing. He had to answer but what could he say to protect him now? “Noct…” He barely managed what came closer to a sigh.

“I… l-love you… Ignis…” Two utterly quaking hands cradled Ignis’ face. They rattled. His precious face gazing at him. Broken and frantic. “I –love, y-you… so much… I’ve missed you.”

Him. How did it fall upon him? He couldn’t deny nor confirm anything. Instead, weak and shameful, Ignis retreated from Noct’s embracing hole and collapsed into his arms. There was no room left to think and he lacked the strength to sustain himself. He attempted to gulp away the dryness in his mouth and swallow his moans. Letting Noct shelter him as if he were worth his exhaustion. Of course he would end up feeling guilty. He knew that from the start. He let himself get attached to hope that it was himself Noct had been looking for. It couldn’t be. It just couldn’t. Life was not made up of myths. Fantasy was for other words. Not theirs.

Ignis sensed fond kisses staining his forehead while a series of heaves caved the inside of Noct’s chest where Ignis rested against it. His heart was sounded battered. Was he… crying? Ignis couldn’t tell. His body was slipping under. Sleep threatening to make _him_ surrender now. Slumber didn’t appetize him in the slightest during this important moment. If his arms had only held up, he would still be kissing his lips, telling him it was okay and that it would all be alright. He would stay with him. They would be together… and nothing would tear them apart… Maybe he could have given that love back. Saved him somehow. Even if he wasn’t the one. It wasn’t love he had yet to give… but a dream once made him believe it could be possible.

The backroom steadily faded into darkness. Haziness in his skull. Noct’s voice stayed in his ear… his hands close to his heart, never letting him go… until there was nothing left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued. Next piece may be the last depending on the outcome. Yes, I warned, this fic may be short. Like Loqi. But we shall see. 
> 
> Thank you if you've read to here and bless your eyeballs for you and I are now a little closer as author and reader (inserts nervous laughter).


	3. Departure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Any belief of fate is crumbled the moment their dreaming is over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorter piece pulling Noct and Ignis away from each other despite the flood of things that happened so fast. This fic continues to be exactly what it wants to be, half without my permission somehow =A= (tired). Now comes the pain of what happens when you regret waking in someone's arms. [don't be fooled there's love in there somewhere they just don't get it yet]

The hour was late when Ignis felt Noct slip out from underneath him. The boy had gone steadily, sliding his fingers away from Ignis’ hand first, then crept off the edge of the couch until his weight was completely gone. The cushions shifted in his absence. It took a moment for Ignis to even lift his heavy eyelids up to look around. Even longer for his neck to force up his head. He found Noctis standing with his back turned getting dressed in the quiet.

At first, everything felt natural. There were concerns of course as Ignis hoped Noct was just putting his clothes back on and that was it. He wished his lover might come back and lay down with him after a cleaning adjustment. One simple trip to the bathroom perhaps, then they would reunite and hold each other until the sun rose.

This was not the case.

No, tonight was like most _all_ the other nights: not meant to last. Once his mind slowly returned to him – watching the man before him move inch by inch – he questioned the events that lead them both here to this place. It didn’t take long for it to come back fresh in vivid memory. Were these not the types of engagements made with unsatisfied partners? Ignis believed the burning scratches on his back made by nails were a sign for them to be together. Was Noctis… leaving?

_Oh no…_ he thought. _What have I done wrong?_

Noct stumbled to catch his balance and flinched from the sound of his uneven foot pattern. Ignis knew right then this was not the stagesinger’s regular kind of night. He had not been laying in a safe place with a dear soul he’d been proud to attain the rights to call his own. He was definitely trying to leave. That fear of being abandoned once again after having closeness unlike any other he’d ever experienced terrified him. He didn’t want to lose him.

_Everything. I’ve done everything wrong._

Ignis flung himself up fast. The speed at which he left the warmth of the loveseat to stand caused a spell of dizziness to swirl around inside his skull. He grasped at the loose flap of his trousers to close them up quick and hide his indecency. The shirt could wait. His chest was caving in with such an awful soreness and his spine was utterly aching. Legs exhausted… insides immediately tense. He parted his lips, stickiness laced between them and a voice that rasped from a dry throat finally grumbled out. “N-Noct? Where are you going?”

Suddenly, Noctis froze half-dressed with the top over his torso. He tugged down to try and cover himself and spun to face him, guilt ridden all over his face. He sheltered the body that had once been naked in defense with his hand. The body he let Ignis make love to. Noctis bat his eyes. He stammered a few times before he had an answer. “Out,” he stated.

Going out? It sounded like a teenager’s response. More precisely, he sounded upset. Ignis grimaced. He kneaded the heels of his palms into his eye sockets. “Must you go now? You could have woken me up. I wouldn’t have minded.”

He detected a huff come from Noct’s lips as he turned downward. “You’re kidding right?”

What was happening? Earlier the both of them had been locked down in grasping arms. Entangled in a raw and romantic endeavor. Now the world was crashing down over everything yet again. A horrible realization unraveling. Unable to be ignored. But why? Was this rejection? Ignis shot his eyes down to the floor for a moment, afraid to appreciate the skin of Noct’s legs for too long. It started to make sense the longer he stood there. He’d been so blinded by the idea that two strangers could instantaneously fall in love at first sight. Ignis was no fool; he didn’t believe in supernatural happenstance. It wasn’t possible… not even if… Noctis thought he recognized him. Had that been why he was so enchanted by this person? He used that excuse – the false impression that he was _‘the one’_ – didn’t he?

No matter. He couldn’t afford to let this unique being go before he knew just a little bit more. It would be horrible to let this whole matter of spontaneity turn into a hit and run. Noctis should not have to be the one running either. There was no excuse for whatever fear or regret he might be feeling. Ignis had to make it right. Somehow.

“Please don’t leave. I want to see you again.” His lungs quivered when he spoke.

“You… really want to see me again?”

Ignis left his mouth hanging agape. He got caught up in the bewilderment of those stormy ocean eyes that seemed to spark with innocence glancing up his way, if only for a moment. But he waited too long to respond and Noct darted those delicate spheres away to search for the rest of his clothes. The rip of their contact separating caused a sickness to rise in the pit of his organs. He needed to say something; anything. And quickly. His arm reached out, fingers stretched in search of what he should do, unable to vocalize himself without stammering.

“Noct… you don’t have to go. Will you let me come with you?”

“Not a chance.”

“No… This… this is not right. You shouldn’t leave.”

“And why not?” the boy snipped. Just as soon as he covered his privates and fastened the zipper of his jeans, he grabbed for his pair of socks and shoes at the corner of the room to prepare them for his feet.

“I need to know who you are.” The truth of what Ignis wanted came free. “Please. I’m sorry for what happened. But you—gah, you are important to me. There’s something about you, that I-” He grew frustrated with himself. “I cannot stand it if you are to walk away. It feels _wrong_.”

At last Noctis was clothed back to the way he was before this sexual disaster ensued. The pair finally gazed at one another for more than the seconds it took to share equal hurt. That pain shone in the colour of both their eyes. Ignis was torn. He knew he had committed a vulgar act against them as apposed to some forced fantasy he dared to imagine could heal them both which had instead dug new wounds over nasty scars. He understood, staring at this pale raven, that there would be more than enough justification for Noctis to walk away. Perhaps he should let him. But in Noct’s eyes was there a hidden confession. He was hanging on to something. What was he caging inside himself?

“I hope you are not humiliated,” Ignis went on. “You were very kind to me. At least, I think that’s what it was.”

“You think?” Noct whispered. “I’m not… humiliated just… lost. I shouldn’t have done this.”

Ouch. A bitter sting sank deep. “Do you regret me?”

The wording was particular and Noct knew it. That caused his breath to escalate and all his thoughts to stir. “Why would you ask me that way? Look, my ass hurts mister so I really just wanna go home. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t make a big deal about your score with me tonight either. Nobody likes a bragger.”

The topless man frowned. “Mister?” The echo of that formal term on his tongue tasted foul. “Surely you are the same one who was in love with me only- a few hours ago, was it?”

“Please don’t get a big dick complex. I lost it, okay… just, blame this on me. It was all my fault anyway.”

“No, it wasn’t a matter of fault Noct. I know you’ve been looking for him.”

Yes. _‘Him.’_ The unknown figure from Noct’s past. Perhaps a childhood friend or a close neighbor. He had no idea, but they were surely a lover. The liar standing here in company of this peculiar soul had been daft for assuming any rights to imitate that ideology. How could he let his ego get in the way in such a serious ordeal? There were no records of amnesia in Ignis’ life that would suggest Noctis had once been a part of his life – as grave as it seemed to evaluate it that way – but he wanted to take the matter seriously considering the embarrassment of his inexplicable obsession.

He acted selfish. Conceited. Though Ignis was not naturally a greedy man, and especially by the way this same beautiful boy was equipped to escape him, he was beginning to believe he might have simply gone too far.

“The one you adore would never treat you this way. Even though you said you loved me, you meant it for someone else and I took advantage. It feels closer to having assaulted you.”

“I…” Noctis slowed. Anxiousness made home on his features. “I sang those songs so he would find me, if he remembered. And you’re the only one who did. So why is it turning out like this? You don’t remember a thing, do you? You’re…”

With his teeth sinking into his bottom lip following an uncomfortable swallow, Ignis asked, “Noct… you’ve never slept with anyone before me, have you?” He closed the space between them and faintly touched his fingertips over the neckline of his shirt. Inside him was more than just carnal flesh he was attracted to. Inside was a rushing heart beating with loneliness. How could he soothe it?

“Don’t put your hands on me anymore.”

“…You’re trembling…”

“I said don’t!” he shouted and took a step back, but his tone lowered again in despair just as fast as it rose. “It wasn’t assault, Ignis. Please take that back…”

“Perhaps we should just admit it by now. I’ve done too much. But you should know I never truly meant to harm you. This was cruel of me. You are not to be harmed.”

For a bit, Noctis could only stand there. Practically on his tip toes glancing at the one who begged with that face unguarded by glasses. Could it be that he saw something familiar in him afterall? The dark-haired singer folded his hands behind his back and leant against the door with a hopeless smile. “You know, I tried signing up in lots of cafés too. I thought maybe I’d find you-” he closed his eyes quickly “-er, him, in one of those places. There are different kinds of specials coffee brews across this city both hot and cold. I’ve been volunteering on free programs. Whatever cash I could round up, I’ve spent on the expenses to book whatever restaurants and performance squares I could get to. I… bounce back and forth with help from my father and some friends. They… show me where to go and how to get around. But…” Noctis sulked his head slowly. Swiped at his eyes where droplets of water began to roll. “It seemed no matter how hard I tried I could never find you…”

Ignis felt his throat closing off. It was near to impossible to breathe. Watching Noctis come to tears wrenched his guts. So he had been traveling. It was as Loqi said. For how long had he done this? Searching. Hoping and praying. And Ignis happened to be the only one? “You said you loved me,” he croaked. “Tell me that keeping me close wasn’t for nothing then. It has to mean something to you. I’d be happy if you let me get you away from here safely.”

“I’ve let you do enough. There’s somewhere I have to be.”

No. He was losing him. And after opening up like that. This was more unbearable than any regretful hangover. The absolute worst kind of morning sickness. Ignis pressed. Desperate. Envisioning the possibilities if only he could protect Noctis instead of bringing harm. It was nauseating trying to get his way again but the thought of letting him run alone into the dark came just shy of ruining Ignis both in heart and mind. He knew he could take care of him. Failing to find a compromise would guarantee this the most haunting mistake of his life.

_What do I do? Oh god, please just don’t leave._

“Where?” he choked. “I could walk you there perhaps and talking can still be an option.”

Noct wouldn’t allow himself to be moved. It looked as though it was hard on him to close his feelings off, yet he refused to give. “No. I don’t need you knowing where I live. This has to stop now before it gets out of hand.”

“Your Highness, please listen to reason.”

Noctis began to gape at him the same as a lost child witnesses a phantom. Suddenly, his pupils were nailed to him. Screaming. This room felt much warmer. From the shock written on his face, his insides were twisting and the heat between the walls around them was burning.

Ignis went on as though he hadn’t realized what he was saying. “I was so close to you tonight. More than anyone I’ve ever laid with in my life. Nothing has ever felt more genuine. “It’s true that laying with many people can be just as lonely as being with none at all.” The man forced himself to continue while hunting for his glasses. Maybe this would work in time to prove he was at least different from those that take advantage. Other _men_. Takers or impersonators. “You felt real to me. It was an error on my part to make you think I wouldn’t take you home afterwards. I’m more than willing to give you whatever you need in order to keep you from feeling used. There’s nothing else I’d ask. I have a car, please. I don’t want you to get hurt, Noct. I want to help you. Believe me.”

Surely Ignis realized what he’d said. He wasn’t just pulling at random sentences. He was trying hard to plea whatever case he thought could be saved between them. But that word… it could have been an insult if Noctis looked at it the right way. There was no way someone like him would know anything about who they had been before. This wasn’t his ‘Ignis’. It couldn’t be…

“I said no,” the boy called a Prince declined for the final time. “I’ll hitch a cab like I always do. I have to get back to Prompto and finish packing. I should have listened to him when he said this was going to cause more trouble than I wanted.”

Packing. That didn’t sound good. “Prom- who… who is that?”

“He’s my goddamn roommate, alright? Look, I didn’t mean to put you through this but I made a _mistake_. There is no such thing as a lost love and I am not going to play with a stranger just to pretend he’s still with me. It’s over… This is a different life. I need to move on.”

Ignis moved quickly to take Noct’s wrist into his hand. Not in a threatening way but one that wept for him. This was his last resort. After this, there would be nothing left to give. Nothing would change his mind. Not tonight, possibly never.

“Will you still choose me?”

Noctis looked just as incredible as he had the night Ignis first saw him on stage, except now he was carrying a more visible grief on his shoulders. While asking himself how he could possibly live without this new air he had been breathing – grown desperate to it and petrified to force himself back to solidarity well knowing he would never want anyone else – Noctis gave a parting gesture. He gazed to the one who had seen him so vulnerable at a speed quicker than those at his closest had ever know him. There were tears at the corners of his eyes. Even Ignis’ own eyes stung from the sight. The boy gently touched his fingers against the naked skin of Ignis’ neck. A barren place accompanied by rushing blood and weary bones. Was he looking for something while stroking that space of his throat? Ignis marveled at him; always full of endless mystery. It was as though he were mimicking the length of a chain. His eyes continued to linger there seeing something invisible.

“I won’t forget you… I’ll think about you every day. You’re the one who… almost made me believe he’s still here.”

Ignis practically flinched. He tried to breathe but it was closer to being choked up. He had nothing to answer, lost to words as he froze in place. Then those soft precious fingers departed from his flesh. After that, Noctis was headed towards the door without protest this time. He couldn’t be stopped now.

“Please leave as soon as you can,” he said. “The boss won’t be too happy to find you in here.” Softened in the eyes, he blessed Ignis with a generous smile. “Thank you.”

The clog in his body drained just to quiver out all he had to give. “Noct…” That nickname he’d been using- what gave him the right? Why did it feel like falling further each time he spoke it? “I will never be lonely again if only I could see you… Can I find you some day? Anywhere?”

 

“Goodbye, Ignis.”

 

There was only the sound of faint rain pelting against Ignis’ car by the time he got back to it, unlocked his way in and took a seat. He sat for a long time with his seatbelt clicked down not doing a thing. It took almost twenty minutes for him to finally start the engine and let it rumble into life. Windshield wipers flicked into slow motion. Heater running. Ignis listened to the sounds around him of a deadly silent city. Though it was always alive with the wind and traffic forever in flow, it had become quiet. Outside the parking lot were street lights and bright signs awaiting him beyond the dark concrete and dim glow. No radio. He couldn’t handle any music nor the sound of rambling talk-show hosts. Just the sounds of a hushed world. The typical commotion he expected to hear as a black dawn approached hadn’t ever been as cloudy. When it had ever sounded this passive before was no less enigmatic. He couldn’t really locate the misplaced rhythm of his heartbeat either. It was simply him with no alcohol left to blur his judgement and lead him off a road tonight. And not a single leftover coffee can in the cup holders.

The man rubbed underneath the rims of his glasses. His clothes reeked of the stale air that carried along the backroom scent with him. He wanted to get home and wash his skin clean but what was required was certainly separate from that which he wanted. The need – others would argue – was not to recover from this night by letting go, but to find resolve. Ignis needed _conclusion_.

Beneath a dark morning sky that forecast greyness all the hours long, Ignis gripped the steering wheel and lifted his foot to the gas pedal. Those fingers had been inside someone’s mouth tonight. All within their clothes and tangled in knots of hair. Handling body parts and clawing into sofa cushions. Held hands and felt the beating of a lover’s heart; by the most anomalous spirit to discover. Somewhere out there was that person, making their own way in the world now through the rain and headed towards home. To see other people as he lived and slept. Ate and sang away, in another life.

He discerned many things regarding the singer in their encounter. Meeting him was near to a zealous contact with the idol of his fantasies that turned to tormenting an innocent life for the gamble of winning basic, degrading stimulation. It seemed they would both carry memories with them after this departure of the kind that could not be forgotten. Ignis felt something switch inside himself that night just as easily as he hit the turn signal to pull out of the bar lot onto the main road.

It was half an hour’s drive to the apartment but the moment he was parked in the same space facing the same building he begrudgingly returned to every day as the ones before, he felt a foreign sensation taking over. Ignis dallied in his vehicle a while longer until he produced phone in hand where he was told through notification of a storm inbound for the city. Already as worn as he could be, he swallowed the last flavor of kisses left upon his mouth and grimaced in mind of the sirens bound to plague him throughout the day ahead. Storms were less enjoyable alone. Should it happen, he would need to be prepared for a power out. As he dialed up the number in his contact lists, he acknowledged that it wasn’t his own safety he cared about anymore.

 

“…Yes, this is Ignis Scientia. I’m calling in to inform the staff that I will be absent from attendance today.

I appreciate the concerns, but I’m afraid I’m feeling rather unwell. I should be back by the next scheduling.

Yes.

Yes, thank you very much. I apologize for the inconvenience. Have a nice day.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After this point, I'm splitting the endings. Canon ending will be to follow. I'll set the Bad End aside in the series as a "what if" because this au literally won't leave me alone until it is finished. 
> 
> [disclaimer: although I have never been in a situation such as hooking up in a one night stand, I can validate that a few of these written features are incredibly personal. It's not easy to overcome what either of these two do. Not only do they suffer my dang mind they also survive themselves. We can be our own worst enemies sometimes.]
> 
> Let yourself pick whichever ending you find most appropriate! They'll be released at the same time, so whichever one you click first is the one that stays true to *you.* Thank you for coming this far with me now, I'm always grateful.

**Author's Note:**

> Maybe not what you were expecting, but I'll see where this could take me. Thank you for reading any of my work. It's really nice being able to share the writing somewhere. Next chapter is where the two shall meet. I've planned that far at least and the encounter will escalate I assure eheh... This could run maybe a max of four or so. Not trying to set this one to run too long.


End file.
